Lordleiter.com

World’s Best Boss

Lordleiter — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 23:37:56 +0000

My great friend Taube gave me an awesome mug recently. (I still have my beard in the picture, so you can see how recently.) The mug indicates that I am the world’s best boss. So it’s possible that Taube thinks I am the best boss. However, I did notice that the mug is made in China, so it is also possible that Taube is trying to poison me via lead using my love of coffee against me. Time will tell.

Just to clear the air, Taube, I really am sorry for skimming SO MUCH cash off the top. Also, you were right – I didn’t need THREE giant monitors. And hiring The Nudge on as my personal consultant may have been (in hindsight) a bit misguided.

Bud Light + Clamato = Chelada?

Lordleiter — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 22:49:10 +0000

Continuing on our gross drinks theme, I give you Chelada. Because mixing Clams and Tomatoes wasn’t already a hideous enough idea. Beer Advocate rated this beverage a “D.” Though it should be noted that the rating was based on Budweiser and Clamato. Perhaps mixing Clamato with Bud Light, thus making it healthier, ups the rating.

I can only guess that this beverage was born thusly:

Two guys were bored in a bar and began daring each other to drink just plain ol’ Clamato. Naturally both men balked at the repulsive dare and opted instead for a “truth.” But men aren’t good at secrets so their “truths” only bored them further.

Then the first guy offers, “Man, I’d have to be crazy stinko to try Clamato.” Guy One was a fan of mixing old-timey and new-timey slang together.

Guy number two pondered this for a bit and then revised his original dare. “Okay, but could you drink Clamato if you were getting mad hammered while you drank it?” He raised his eyebrows up and down for extra convincing.

Guy One, already being a bit tipsy and not being able to reason things out fully, was intrigued by this counter-proposal. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I could do it then. It couldn’t be worse than HARD Creamer, right?”

The two men quickly concocted an elixir of Clamato and Bud Light giddy at the prospect of forging new alcoholic fontiers. Guy One picked up the mug, said a small prayer, blinked a few times, exhaled, and in an unfounded feat of dexterity, both downed the beverage and vomited it all back up at the same time.

Guy Two exclaimed, “GROSS!” because it really was super gross. Then seeing the bio-mess asked, “What did you last eat?”

Guy One tried to say “enchiladas,” but the mix of awful flavors in his mouth cause him to choke a bit and all that sputtered out was, “chilada.”

Guy Two got the bartenders attention. “Barkeep…another round of Cheladas.” Americans are good at goofing up words from other languages.

Hard Creamer

Lordleiter — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:38:51 +0000

Seriously, who’s drinking this? Creamy thing can’t be made manly or tough or EXTREME by adding the word “hard” in front of it. (Would you put HARD creamer or HARD Half ‘n’ Half in your coffee?) In fact, adding “HARD” to “creamer” just makes things worse. Maybe they should have called it EXCREAM!

When I see products like this I always wonder how they made it all the way from concept to prototype to testing to market. Nowhere along the way (like right at the “concept” phase?) did anyone try and put a stop to this abomination beverage? It looks like milky Tang.

Check out their site. It’s marketed as a “Fruit & Cream with a kick.” Just what your life has been missing. And listen to that boss funky jazz groove. Yeaaaaaaaah…creamy….fruity….yeahhhhh…

The Peabuddies

Lordleiter — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 05:29:00 +0000

Do you think Peabody winners gather together in a secret society and call themselves The Peabuddies? I hope so! I’ll bet they meet thrice annually. I’ll bet they spend their spare time in pairs and triples cruising urban pedestrian centers correcting passersby’s bad grammar. I’ll bet they get into their secret meetings, not by a secret handshake, but with an exquisit, perfectly constructed phrase that changes fortnightly and is encoded using a cypher based on the Rosetta Stone. I’ll bet the topic of dialects versus accents comes to fisticuffs more often than not between Peabuddies.

The Fireman – Electric Arguments

Lordleiter — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:30:03 +0000

For those not in the know The Fireman is an alter ego of Paul McCartney for releaseing less mainstream, more electronic style music. When Paul is The Fireman, he collaborates with some dude who calls himself Youth (Martin Glover?). (Though he looks pretty old in the pictures on the The Fireman Music site. Maybe it’s one of those opposite names, like calling a bald guy “curly.”) The duo release two albums in the 1990s: Strawberries Oceans Ships Forest (1993) and Rushes (1998). Both are enjoyable but forgettable trance albums. (Though one song from Rushes, “Bison,” was brilliant used for the chilling climax of Cecil Jenkins’ film “American Chisler.”)

Being the unwavering Paul McCartney fan that I am, I was stunned last weekend when I read a review of “Paul McCartney’s upcoming album Electric Arguments.” First, how had an Paul McCartney release snuck up on me like that? Second, Rolling Stone gave it four stars? Well, I can’t explain how I had no idea this album was not only “in the works” but utterly imminent, but know having heard the album I can explain the four stars.

Electric Arguments is quite entertaining. First it is not just seven variations on a trance idea like the last two The Fireman albums were. Second, it’s not really an “electronica” or “trance” album at all. There are a few tracks that are electro-grooves, but for the most part, all songs have lyrics, melodies, themes and everything else you’d find in a pop song. I’m curious how this album would have fared had he released it as “Paul McCartney.” What would Rolling Stone have said then? Still, I’m much more impressed than I thought I’d be. I’d prepped myself for a C- only to find it was an A-! Read Paul’s Q&A.

The Year One

Lordleiter — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 20:27:11 +0000

My wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen and I were treated to another movie screening the other night. (Note to movie screeners: try not to schedule movie screenings on the same night as Twilight premieres. Madness!) This night’s fare was The Year One, directed and written by Harold Ramis and staring Jack Black and Michael Cera. This film was a real treat and I would not have been disappointed had I paid full price for it. (Unlike Love N’ Dancing where I would have demanded my money back, minus one dollar for Billy Zane’s awesomeness.) If you like Jack Black, Michael Cera or Harold Ramis then I am sure you will enjoy this movie.

The bonus treat however was that my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen and were picked for the after-film discussion panel (always exciting). They took 20 viewers down to the first two rows and asked our opinions on the film, the actors, the scenes, the pacing and so on. Imagine my surprise when I turned to make a comment to my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen and Harold Ramis is sitting in the next row right behind my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen. “Oh hi, Harold Ramis. Thanks for Groundhog Day. Why are dressed up like Jerry Garcia?” (He had beard and quasi-afro that was very reminicent of Mr. Garcia.)

Anyway, go see The Year One. Hilarity ensues.

Cheese Horn

Lordleiter — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:00:40 +0000

We went camping recently (as you may know from the Taj Majal post). And so I am now in the phase of using the left over foods as my mid-morning snacks. My wonderful mother-in-law (Milly) usually brings a variety box of Svenhard’s danishes. Usually all are delicious, but I’ve always shied away from the “Cheese Horn.”

For one, I don’t like the name. It looks like a standard cheese danish. So why do they call it “horn?” What does “horn” even mean in the food world? (Oddly, I tend to eat all the “Cinnamon Horns” while camping and for some reason I’m totally fine with those.)

Second, I am put off by the picture on the package. The cinnamon horn has a picture of cinnamon sticks; the raisin-ette has a picture of grapes. The cheese horn has a picture of soft-serve?

Well friends, this morning I am going for it. I’ll let you know how it goes. If I don’t post anything in the next hour, tell my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen I love her.

Blogged to you from my iPhone.

The Burial Brothers

Lordleiter — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 22:10:10 +0000

As you my already know, I’m a big fan of road trips. Some of you have even joined me on some of escapades. And if so, you probably heard me say some to the tune of “It’s never about the destination; it’s the adventure.” (And I do not take credit for that statement. I am sure it’s a famous quote that I picked up somewhere. Probably Mark Twain – I seem to inadvertently rip him off all the time.) Such is the case with Simon Mayle’s “The Burial Brothers: from New York to Rio in a ‘73 Cadillac Hearse.”

This book was a super enjoyable, fast read about a dude who does just what the book’s title suggests. He buys an old hearse with the intent of driving it from New York down to Rio in time for Carnaval. Furthermore, it’s the mid-1990s when much of Central America is not yet tourist-friendly. Mayle convinces two other cohorts to travel with him and help out with the costs of a 15,000 mile, 13 country road trip. There’s no morale subtext or life-lessons to be learned. The Burial Brothers is a just a great adventure of three guys traveling and having the proverbial hilarity ensue.

The Taj Majal

Lordleiter — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 14:41:17 +0000

Blogging to you live(ish) from Ocotillo Wells. I write in praise of my Coleman brand, cabin style tent – The Taj Majal (called so as it is a excessively oversized testimate to my love for my wife). Over the five years we’ve been using this tent it has stood up to the elements. It has shunned the rain, blocked the sun, withstood the snow… And last night it stood up to a fierce, nasty wind storm. Granted, it was not a quiet night, and we and all our gear are now covered in a layer of desert sand. But she stood mightely and she stood bravely.

Blogged to you from my iPhone.

1960: The Making of the President

Lordleiter — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 23:18:12 +0000

You are Senator John Kennedy! You are Vice-President Richard Nixon! 1960: The Making of the President is a superb 2-man board game from Z-Man Games. Z-Man Games did a great job creating an intense and fun head-to-head game. You travel the country campaigning, buy media advertising, engage in debates, manipulate public perception of “the issues,” cause various intrigue and above all engage your adversary in shameless politics in an attempt to win the 1960 presidential election.

Max von Fischgeist and I had at each other via this board game recently. He played the part of Kennedy (quite convincingly) and assumed the heavy Nixon mantle. The tide of the game tipped back and forth all night until finally on election day Kennedy delivered a dash cunning, last-minute political maneuver that caused me to loose the election…well caused Nixon to lose the election.

One of the greatest thing about this game is how all of your political wiles and guiles are based in historical incidents. So Kennedy doesn’t just reduce Nixon’s popularity in Michigan willy nilly, Kennedy plays the “Nixon Egged in Michigan” card to add embarrassment onto injury. And if Kennedy wanted to give himself a edge over Nixon he could play the “High Hopes” card indicating that Kennedy palled around with Sinatra and Rat Pack to gain a little extra favor with the electorate. Invoke all the topics and personalities from the 1960 election to help your candidate and hinder your opponent: Sputnik, Cold War, Kruschev, Nelson Rockefeller, Martin Luther King, Jr., Volunteers, Peace Corps, Nixon’s Knee (Broken!), brand new voters in Hawaii and Alaska (their first election for president)… The game is really well thought out and loads of fun.